oiwhat.

i am not looking forward to this weekend. 9-5 saturday & sunday and then no idea when i'm going back to see my friends or joey. bad times. might be worth starting to look for a new job soon.

i've come back home and i'm starting to resent it already. maybe it's not the home that's the problem, maybe i am just sososososo sick of living under the thumb of people. i need my own place.

had a pretty fantastic fucking week. aside from the obvious downs of dramararara (which thankfully are over now, as far as i know!) it was amazing. it felt like a goodbye though. i love my friends.

i feel a bit sad and lonely and very, very displaced. hopeful? maybe. but not really happy. sort of MELANCHOLY. ah well.
life goes on and all that jazz.



p.s i saw over 6 people today in Tesco with full or half tattoo sleeves. feels like a sign.

fled like phantoms

i was in bed with joey last night trying to get to sleep and i sort of dozed off and then i woke up behind my eyelids and realised i couldn't move. i could breathe but that's it. it was one of the most horrific experiences of my life, i felt like a corpse. i tried to move or kick out or say something but i could only breathe. it took me a few minutes but i managed to breathe in really deeply and then i could move. fucking disturbing. and before that it felt like something has rubbed something on my brain because my head really hurt. and before THAT, joey said 'did you say something?' and i said 'no' and he said 'oh because i heard someone whisper something. freaky.'

ghosts.

i am gales

i'm trying my best not to be really emo right now but it's not going so well. apologies in advance. i don't know. i just feel reallyyyyyyyy conflicted about everything. mostly exams and summer and LIFE. i am sosoososososososo scared that i am not going to get the grades i need. i have been working but i don't know if that's enough. my track record with getting grades i need has not been going too well so far. i rely a lot on intuition too and a part of me can clearly see myself passing and getting into uni and have everything fall into place but then again i can see myself failing and hating myself forever.
great. okay. emoness aside. apart from this: i really don't think anyone understands how worried/pressured/scared i am about it! i know right, how original, ~nobody understands me~. w/e. OKAY ENOUGH OF THAT. this house makes me feel like utter shit. there's SUCH bad energy here it is insanely difficult to live in.

in other news i made a pair of shorts today in an effort to stop myself from having a panic attack and it worked! i want new clothes. i want i want i want.
i want a fucking hug! i want to stop being such a moody bastard harhar. seeing josh&caitlin's pictures of europe = me wanting to go france/germany this summer. that better happen.
it would be nice. i miss kate and anisa sosososososoosSO bad. i want to be able to connect with people but i feel like something is holding me back.
i feel like i'm 15 again. not good.

tradition:

p-p-p-p-p

i just feel so boring and useless and dumb. my hair is a mess and i miss joey. one day i am going to surround myself in people i love and that love me where i won't be under the thumb in whatever living situation i'm in. so sick of being in between homes (and) living with parental units. it makes me so grouchy and unsociable. i am going to live in a place where i can cover the walls in pictures of 50s movie stars and models and films i love and pictures that just SPEAK to me y'know? i would love to cover my body in tattoos. i would love my skin to be a canvas. i think i might start planning a sleeve. i should start getting ready for the dreaded commute. bye.