fucking integrated twitter! i rule. now i can spam the fuck out of it and feel really cool. i have nothing of merit to say, weirdly. i might make a new blog so i can spam pictures and words of things that inspire me. like an online scrapbook.
it is sunny and that is good. life is strange but good. i am trying.
i wish i was rich and famous. i love to learn. i've been reading about the LA Riots and people are the worst thing that has happened to this world.
i feel tired and defeated, for the latter.. i don't know why. annoyed with myself i suppose but i almost always am so i'm sure i'll learn to live with it if i haven't already. worst run on sentence ever. i feel like i've opened up too much recently, which i guess isn't a bad thing but it makes me anxious and like all the air goes out of my chest and into the atmosphere and away forever. i have work tomorrow and i don't mind (yet) because i guess i really really need the money. exams are making me want to pull my hair out and cry. i want to go to uni but i don't want to go. i think i love my friends. i hate being a mixture of totally co-dependant but struggling for independance. it's frustrating. i don't know. i don't know. i wish i had my potentional realised.
+ resident evil with adam. + red hair plans. + joey and the note. + cinema/geek night with josh? caitlin/laurenne girls' night? chloe's meal? + getting paid soon. + possibly maybe not dying. + confidence rising? strange. + being slightly more comfortable in my skin. + i have a job, i'm probably healthy, i have a boyfriend who i adore and a great set of friends who i am crazy about. some things don't deserve the thought you put into them. so no, i am not going to put a negatives list. exams suck. work sucks. shocking. but these things happen and i'll get over them, one way or another. i will cope. i always do.
and because i don't want to break my persona. i'm actually not in a great mood at the moment but i will cope. (:
Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff life is made of.
none of you will understand my last post which is fine. none of you read good literature though so it's not surprising. :D i'm joking. OR AM I. i tweaked the colours and such. i want a really nice happy layout but i'm too lazy to find co-ordinating colours. i want to try and get back into web design in the summer but not sure if i have the skill / motivation to try. poor eve. i want a lot of things, why don't i go after them?
i think i got that dumb job at the garden centre haha. it looks lame (gonna be working in a cafe again which i hate) and the pay isn't great and they want me to remove my lip piercing but at the end of the day, there's no denying the cost of living. and i really need some fucking money. and i have to wear a cap. boo.
i miss joey already. i miss my friends too (that sometimes i don't feel like are my skjdgs). i swear to god i need social interaction from these people to function (realtively) sanely. it's weird.
maybe i should sleep soon. sometimes i just never want to sleep. it seems like such a waste of time.
There they stood, ranged along the hill-sides, met To view the last of me, a living frame For one more picture! in a sheet of flame I saw them and I knew them all. And yet Dauntless the slug-horn to my lips I set, And blew. ``Childe Roland to the Dark Tower came.''
"I will show you fear in a handful of dust." T.S 'Butch' Eliot.
"My first thought was, he lied in every word." Robert 'Sundance' Browning.
The gunslinger is the truth. Roland is the truth. The Prisoner is the truth. The Lady of Shadows is the truth. The Prisoner and the Lady are married. That is the truth. The way station is the truth. The speaking demon is the truth. We went under the mountains and that is the truth. There were monsters under the mountain. That is the truth. One of them had an Amoco gas pump between his legs and was pretending it was his penis. That is the truth. Roland let me die. That is the truth. I still love him. That is the truth.
What is a door not a door? When it's a jar, and that is the truth. Blaine is the truth. Blaine is the truth. What has four wheels a flies? A garbage truck and that is the truth. Blaine is the truth. You have to watch Blaine all the time, Blaine is a pain and that is the truth. I'm pretty sure that Blaine is dangerous, and that is the truth. What is black and white and red all over? A blushing zebra and that is the truth. Blaine is the truth. I want to go back and that is the truth. I want to go back and that is the truth. I'll go crazy if I don't go back and that is the truth. I can't go home again unless I find a stone a rose a door and that is the truth. Choo-choo, and that is the truth. Choo-choo. Choo-choo. Choo-choo. Choo-choo. Choo-choo. Choo-choo. Choo-choo. Choo-choo. Choo-choo. I am afraid. That is the truth. Choo-choo.
i'm starting to get really, really worried about the summer. how will i see people? obviously i'm going to be on the isle of wight from like.. end of mayish. i'm scared about how i'm going to see friends and joey and stuff. this plus exam stress + uni stress + general life stress = i feel like my head is going to explode warm gooey paste on everybody. FML!
i want to get well and truly smashed. totally wasted out of my face not-throwing-up-quite-yet clingy needy and sexually charged completely floored and out of my fucking tree. i don't know why. just completely trashed.
"You're right, actually. I am pretty- I'm, I'm pretty troubled and I'm, I'm pretty confused. But I... and I'm afraid. Really, really afraid. Really afraid."
i feel abstract, at a loss perhaps but i am doing the best i can. i suppose, really, everything is okay. i have a job interview tomorrow. i hope i get it. a lot is actually riding on it. would it be so much to ask for a job that a) pays okay b) is semi-enjoyable and c) i actually get? i'm thinking yes, probably.
i want enchiladas and last weekend back. i want to be in the balti house maybe. i want kate and anisa and my old life back but at the same time i am thrilled with the people i am finding now. my name is luke and i don't know what i want. or do i?
this entry is really cryptic, isn't it?
i want to meet james dean. what a specimen.
and hey look. you know what i REALLY want? a goddamn feast.
film reviews & stuff dealing with film. film film film.
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FILMS TO BE REVIEWED SOON:
Percy Jackson & The Lightning Thief.
The Lovely Bones.