Thursday, 2 April 2009

gonna be okay.

i'm starting to get really, really worried about the summer. how will i see people? obviously i'm going to be on the isle of wight from like.. end of mayish. i'm scared about how i'm going to see friends and joey and stuff. this plus exam stress + uni stress + general life stress = i feel like my head is going to explode warm gooey paste on everybody. FML!

i want to get well and truly smashed. totally wasted out of my face not-throwing-up-quite-yet clingy needy and sexually charged completely floored and out of my fucking tree. i don't know why. just completely trashed.

"You're right, actually. I am pretty- I'm, I'm pretty troubled and I'm, I'm pretty confused. But I... and I'm afraid. Really, really afraid. Really afraid."

i feel abstract, at a loss perhaps but i am doing the best i can. i suppose, really, everything is okay. i have a job interview tomorrow. i hope i get it. a lot is actually riding on it. would it be so much to ask for a job that a) pays okay b) is semi-enjoyable and c) i actually get? i'm thinking yes, probably.

i want enchiladas and last weekend back. i want to be in the balti house maybe. i want kate and anisa and my old life back but at the same time i am thrilled with the people i am finding now. my name is luke and i don't know what i want. or do i?

this entry is really cryptic, isn't it?

i want to meet james dean. what a specimen.

and hey look.
you know what i REALLY want? a goddamn feast.

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